Flask in His Fist
by OnewholovesSJ
Summary: After making success Rachel on her own she is returning to Lima. Little does she know Finn is returning after becoming an alcoholic while in the military. Will they reconnect or will Finn be too far gone?
1. Chapter 1

"I'd like to thank all of my fans. I worked hard to get to this place right here tonight.  
I'd like to thank my dads, my best friends Kurt and Santana for always pushing me  
to be the diva they knew I was all along. This is such an honor."

Rachel was last to accept her Tony for the night. After she stepped off the stage she was met with hugs from her dads.

"We truly are so proud of you baby!" said Hiram.

Leroy embraced her in a hug with a huge smile on his face.

"Thank you guys. I wish you could stay longer and didn't have to leave tonight."

"You'll be home to visit us in a weeks still right?"

"Of course! I haven't been able to go to Lima for almost a year with being so busy."

"We will see you then honey."

Her fathers both gave her a hug and left.

Back at the apartment

Rachel made herself some hot tea and curled up on the couch in some comfy clothes to watch some TV since she wasn't tired yet.

"Hey Diva!" Kurt said walking through the door.

"Hi."

"What are you up for ? I figured you'd be sleeping after the long day."

"Just sitting here. Not tired yet."

"Is something wrong?"

"Not really."

"I'll go change and join you. Santana decided to go out with a few of her friends."

"Okay." She said with a smile.

Kurt came back and sat down beside her.

"I was expecting you to be more excited."

"I am excited."

"But he was suppose to be here."

"It's just he always promised and I just always pictured him there sitting with you guys"

"Carole and my dad keep telling me he sounds like he is doing well in his letters."

"Next week is his birthday."

"Yeah, wonder how he will celebrate his first legal drink?"

"I'm sure he has army buddies to celebrate." She tried to keep her smile

"Rachel I know it seems like a lifetime since he has talked to either of us but I know he misses you."

"I wish. But I am getting tired now. I need to start getting some sleep now that I can, with the show being over."

Kurt had talked to Finn a million times since he had been at Fort Bliss. He knew that Finn was in a bad place  
in his life and really needed someone or something, but with Rachel having her show and even if she didn't want  
to admit it, it did hurt her to think of how Finn wouldn't talk to her. He hadn't since he had left her that day at the train station.  
So Kurt didn't tell her what he knew or even that he talked to Finn. He knew she probably knew and it went without saying.

Rachel had tried to keep in touch with him after she had gotten his address from one of Kurt's letters but they went unanswered.  
Finn told Kurt in one of his first letters to take care of Rachel but that it was too hard for him to have to write her back.  
He knew where Finn would be next week on his 21st birthday. He already got drunk calls at least once a week from Finn.  
Now he would just have more of a reason. Kurt had tried to talk to him about it. But Finn always had the same excuse.

He needed it cause it was the only good thing in his life.

Kurt eventually just told him to be careful and dealt with the late night calls and covered for him with Carole and Burt  
when they asked why Finn was always so off when they tried to reach him on the phone. There was nights that Kurt got the call  
and thought he should some how talk Finn into talking to Rachel knowing that she might actually be able to talk some sense  
into the boy he knew she loved in the back of her mind.

What he was dying to tell Rachel was that Finn was coming back to Lima with his discharge the day Rachel was going back to visit.


	2. Chapter 2

When he first got to basic training he was still that scared little boy that he saw in the mirror for the past 18 years.  
He didn't have anyone now. He thought he was prepared for that but he quickly realized he wasn't.

He never did well with anyone yelling at him except maybe when Rachel did it.  
But that is all he heard every day of basic training. He hardly made any friends and  
the guys he did talk to were just not his type of people.

He thought back now as he laid in bed trying to fall asleep. He remembered how  
much he had missed Rachel and his family at first. He still talked to Kurt , probably more than Kurt  
appreciated at this point but he knew he couldn't call his mom and Burt and tell them how he had  
pretty much turned to alcohol to be his best friend.

He always wanted to talk to her. He thought about her every single day. He knew he really  
messed up. At first when she had written him he was stubborn and thought she deserved  
better than him and refused to write her back. He still thought she deserved better. He never  
really asked Kurt about her and he never brought her up. It was kind of a mutual understanding that it  
was a touchy subject. He had really messed up but he knew that he could never change the past.

In the back of his mind he knew that this isn't what he needed yet he had a want for it.  
He was going to be 21 soon but he was also going home. He wouldn't be able to really hide his  
life if he was going to have to stay with his mom and Burt. He hoped maybe Kurt would come visit  
a weekend so that he would have someone to talk to. He finally passed out.

After stressing out all night before he slept he didn't rest very well.  
It was a long day everyone was just in a poor mood cause most of his unit  
was ready to be home already. They missed their families and some even had kids.  
Finn had himself. Not that his parents and his brother didn't count but that wasn't  
much of anyone. He knew in the back of his mind who he missed which is exactly why he needed a drink.

"Hudson, If you're gonna come back obnoxious yet again try to keep it down when you call your whoever."

Half the time Finn didn't even remember calling Kurt. He only knew cause people would tell him or his call log would.

Kurt never brought it up. If Finn asked him about it when they talked other times Kurt would just pass it off and say it wasn't a big deal.

"Okay. I'll try my best."

BAR

"Hey Hudson! Good to see you."

"Hi Mark. How are you tonight?"

"I'm pretty well. The usual?"

"Yeah."

Mark the bartender slid him a whiskey after it was poured.

"Mark, I see you wear that ring. Are you happy like that?"

"I wouldn't leave myself in any situation I wasn't."

"I should be there."

"She on your mind again?"

"Do I really talk about her that much once I get going?"

"Hudson, I could write a book about the girl with the softest skin and the prettiest voice."

Finn put his head down and finished his drink.

"Another please Mark."

Another after another was ordered.

"Alright Hudson this is your last one."

"WHAT! I'm not even feeling it yet."

"I know what your limit is to make it home safe."

"Screw you Mark. I am a man. I can make my own decisions and I say I'm not done."

"Hudson, don't be like this."

"I'm not doing anything. You're the one creating the problem."

"Buddy just leave before you make me have to throw you out."

"Some times I think you are my friend and then you stab me in the back like this."

Finn stood up and turned to walk out.

Sitting on the sidewalk outside the bar he decided he needed to tell his only true friend how awful people were here.  
No one could even have his back.

"Hello Finn." Kurt said with a yawn.

"Kurt, you know you are my only friend."

"Yeah, you might have mentioned it."

"I can't believe sometimes someone you think you know just sticks the knife in and just keeps a twisting."

"Did Mark cut you off before you were ready again?"

"Kurt, why does everyone have to betray me?"

"No one is betraying you Finn. I tell you all time."

"I can't wait to be away from these people and be back in Lima and show everyone what I have done."

"Yes, Everyone can't wait till you're back."

"Oh the heck with that Kurt. Everyone who! You're all I have left."

"Finn you know that isn't true. You have your mom and my dad."

"Who wants their 21 year old son back to drag them down?"

"Your mom really worries about you."

"Yeah well,...we both know that is your fault. Sometimes you are such a lousy friend. You probably make her."

"Finn, You should go get some sleep."

"Don't tell me what to do Kurt!"

Kurt sighed. "I'm not Finn."

"Yes you are. You always have. You such a bossy person. Thinking you're better than me like everyone does. I'm gonna show them."

"Okay Finn."

"You don't believe me! Fine! I'm gonna show you. You'll see. I'm going to go home and start packing now and coming up with a plan."

"Ok Finn. Night."

Kurt hung up the phone and sighed. At least it wasn't for hours Finn kept him up.

Rachel walked out into the living room and yawned. "Kurt who were you talking to this late? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just a telemarketer"

"Oh is the telemarketer named Finn?"


	3. Chapter 3

**New York**

"No it was my brother. I just didn't want to bring him up."

"So all those late night calls you get and I just figured they were from Blaine, they are Finn calling you?"

"He gets lonely at night and has trouble sleeping." Kurt said to try and cover.

"That doesn't sound believable if anyone knew Finn. You don't have to lie to me Kurt."

"I'm sorry I just didn't think you would want to hear about Finn."

"I...You know how it is with the Finn and I relationship. But you don't have to hide it from me."

"I'm sorry Rachel. I just was trying to look out for the both of you."

"The both of us?"

"Neither of you really want to hear about the other. It's easier to just deal with it a day at a time."

" I'm heading back to bed. I have to get up for my flight in a few hours. I was just making sure you were okay."

Rachel went back into her room and shut the door.

Kurt sighed. He wanted to tell her so bad that Finn would be there and to no be surprised  
when he wasn't who she remembered. There was a solution he could think of.  
He got online and booked his ticket for the same flight as yawned yet again  
and decided to just nap on the couch till he needed up to pack.

Rachel could tell as sleep laid back in her bed that she wasn't going to get anymore sleep. Someone came to her mind and she always had a hard time sleeping after he was there.

The subject just made her anxious. Finn was suppose to be her husband at this point  
and that was always her thought. He could be there with her right now.  
She wished for it all the time. He was the one person who completely  
understood her. She knew in the end they belonged together. But her mind usually  
got the best of her heart and she got the what if's Finn had to hate her. He wouldn't  
answer any of her messages she had sent what was years ago now.

Rachel stood up and decided to make sure everything was packed since she knew she wasn't getting back to sleep.

She was finally packed and decided to go and fix herself some breakfast and coffee before  
she had to catch her cab to the airport. She found Kurt sleeping on the couch and tried  
to be quiet to not wake him, after all he was up late with that phone call and all.  
*Ugh she was still catching herself thinking about Finn*

Kurt yawned when he heard the cupboards open.

"Morning sunshine. Why are you on the couch?" asked Rachel

"I didn't figure I'd get back up for our flight if I went back to my room."

"Wait you're going to Lima too!"

"Yep. I miss home too."

"Want some cereal?"

"Sure but first I need to pack quickly."

"I'll pour you a bowl and let it set here for you."

"Sounds good."

Rachel and Kurt were sitting in their seats waiting for take-off.  
Rachel was fidgeting, no matter what she always got excited to go home.  
She couldn't wait to see her dads and actually get to spend time with them  
and maybe even visit Mr. Shue at Mckinley.

Kurt was fidgeting right along with her thinking of how she  
or even his brother would react if they saw each other  
…well when they saw each other for the first time in almost 4 years.  
It made him wish he wasn't mediator for both but they both needed him and who was he to say no?

The voice came over the intercom for them to shut off their electronics. Just a minute too soon.  
Kurt thought he would be beating Finn home but he had just got a text from Finn saying he had just landed in Lima.


	4. Chapter 4

Finn opened the door to the home he had not seen in years now with Burt following behind with his bag.

"OH honey! I miss you so much" Carole ran up and hugged him.

"Hi Mom, I missed you too." Finn hugged her back.

"I'm making your favorite for dinner, breakfast for dinner."

"Oh cool."

Come to think of it Finn really didn't have a favorite dinner anymore. He would much rather have a favorite drink sliding down his throat by that time of day. He was still wondering how he was going to get away with that being here in Lima. He climbed the steps up to his old room. He had gotten used to being alone so it was just comfy to him to be that. He started humming to fill the silence he no long cherished.

_Some day you'll find out what it means to be blue  
'Cause everybody pays for the things that they do  
You broke something precious, sacred and true  
Darlin', what did love ever do to you?_

I still can't believe what I'm feelin'  
As my heart turns slowly to stone  
I'm staring a hole through the ceiling  
The memory of your leaving won't let go

Some day you'll find out what it means to be blue  
'Cause everybody pays for the things that they do  
You broke something precious, sacred and true  
Darlin', what did love ever do to you?

Your words built the walls of this prison  
And like a fool I'm doin' time for you  
I searched through my mind for a reason  
But when you left, you left me without a clue

Some day you'll find out what it means to be blue  
'Cause everybody pays for the things that they do  
You broke something precious, sacred and true  
Darlin', what did love ever do to you?

Finn fell into sleep after his long journey back to Ohio.

A knock came at the door. It was a familiar face.

"Hey stranger." Said Kurt

"KURT!" Finn picked Kurt up in hug.

"I didn't even know you were gonna beat me home and I didn't get your text till I was in the driveway."

"That's alright. I'm so happy you are home. Now I have someone to hang out with."

"I know. You've been telling me for well ….ever."

"I'm sorry half the time I don't even remember calling you."

"Well if you are calling me at least I know you are still staying out of trouble."

"Take a seat. Let's catch up. This time I'm actually sober."

Kurt took a seat on the end of Finn's bed.

"Okay, I mean I know we are brothers and all but Finn we were never this close  
so what is going on with you? I get you need someone to talk to  
when you're drunk but….are you really okay? You know drinking every night is not  
what I think anyone should be doing."

"Why is this the only conversation we have when I'm sober?  
I told you I'm fine. I'm 21 years old. I don't need to be told what to do."

"Finn I don't want to fight with you."

Finn stood up and kicked his desk chair and walked down the stairs and towards the door.

"Honey dinner is almost done." called Carole.

"I'm not hungry. You guys enjoy." Finn mumbled.

He didn't have a car so he just started to run. At least there was one thing the army made him good for.

* * *

Kurt came down the stairs with a large sigh. Burt was sticking his head out around the corner of the living room.

"What happened there?"

"Nothing I think he just isn't use to being around us anymore and someone actually caring what he is doing with his life."

Carole gave him a worried look.

"What is really wrong with him dear?"

" Don't worry I have it under control. Promise. Can I borrow your car?"

"Yes of course. I made dinner but I guess that is going on the back burner." Carole said

"I'll be back."

Kurt climbed in the car and dialed Rachel.

"Hey Kurt, What's up?"

"I need you help with something. Get ready I'm on my way to your house."

"Okay what with"

"I'll explain when I get there. I'm turning down your street now."

"OH okay."

Kurt pulled up to Rachel's and she walked down the walkway and climbed in.

"What is the emergency?"

"I hate to say this."

"Kurt you are scaring me"

"I need you to talk Finn straight."

Rachel gasped. "Is he alright? Wait is Finn here in Lima?"

"Physically yes. Mentally, he needs a swift kick right in his behind.  
And yes he is back in Lima he just got here today too."

"Where are we going?"

"The Lima Hotel."

"The bar. It's 4:30, why is he at a bar so early?"

"The better question is why is he getting there so late for him?"

"Oh Finn." Rachel said with her head down.


	5. Chapter 5

"What can I get you son?"

"Whiskey, whatever kind you got."

"That is a little strong to start out with this early."

"I didn't ask for input. I have money and I am legal age."

The bartender handed him the drink.

"Didn't anyone ever teach you to respect your elders?"

Finn just rolled his eyes and started gulping his drink.

"Now isn't the time old man."

Kurt pulled into a parking space and looked over at Rachel.

"Are you ready?"

"I think."

"Don't hold back Rachel. He needs whatever you can dish."

Kurt walked in the door and Rachel was behind him.

He saw Finn sitting down the bar by himself.

The bartender reached the end of the bar they were standing at.

"Hi what can I get you."

"Oh nothing we are here looking for my brother."

"Is that him down there perhaps? Cause that kid needs to get a grip."

"Yeah." Kurt said almost embarrassed

He started walking down to him Rachel still behind him.

Finn felt someone sit down beside him. He glanced to look.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to continue our talk."

"We have no talk. I am allowed to be here."

"But you don't need to."

"Oh screw you Kurt. You are no one to be telling me how to live my life."

"Well you being in charge of it doesn't seem to be going a very good place brother."

"I am fine."

Rachel cleared her throat her so maybe she could have courage to talk to this wash up of the boy she was once going to spend her whole life with.

"Finn."

Finn hadn't even notice her standing behind them.

"Are you kidding me? He drags you here. Didn't you get the hint that I don't want you?"

"I'm not even letting those words come out of your mouth Finn Hudson." Said Kurt

"Finn that isn't why I'm here. Even if it was I'd change my mind looking at you."  
Rachel already felt her heart crushing with just the few words Finn had said to her already.

"I told you long ago I was never going to be good enough for you. So why bother coming with Kurt to come ruin the only good part of my life?"

"Cause she is the one person who doesn't have to put up with you. Yet she chooses to try and help you. After every thing you have done to her." Kurt said.

"I didn't ruin her life. She got everything she wanted. She is the damn princess of Broadway."

"Finn, you know exactly why I would come. I can't let you ruin your life and health by living this lifestyle."

"Why not Rachel? You don't care anymore. You can't because of what I did to you."

Rachel felt the words hurting more and more. Then she just snapped.

"Finn don't even act like that! Not with me. You know exactly how I felt when you did what you did. Leaving me, ignoring me. You have no idea how lost I felt for months after you left. But I kept telling myself what a good MAN you were to let me have my dreams and the life I wished for. But here you sit and you are not a man at all, you are a little boy. You are using something stupid like this to cover your pain. How could you let yourself turn into this? How could you do this to your mom and Burt? How could you…..?"

"What else Rach? Huh keep going. Throw one of your dramatic scenes like you always do cause it is what you are good at.  
You ruined my life. You ruin everything. I hate you."

Rachel felt tears running down her face.

"Finn Hudson how could you…how could you do this to me?"

Rachel turned and walked out of the bar.

Kurt just looked at Finn. "Do you even realize what you just did?"

"Oh go chase after her Kurt. I thought you were my friend but she always wins. Just leave me alone."

"You are no where near close to hearing the end of this."

"Of course not. Princess gets the dream life and everything she ever  
wanted and it doesn't matter. I lost my chance long ago so it doesn't matter what I say. She hates me"

"Finn." Kurt said with a sigh.

"Kurt."

"I'll be back to pick you up after I take Rachel home."

"Whatever."

Rachel was sitting in the car crying. "Rachel please don't let it get you upset. He doesn't know what he is saying."

"Yes he does Kurt. I just …"

"Rachel, he may have just turned 21 but I don't think he has  
been sober since last October when it really hit him hard when one  
of his buddies got killed and he had no one cause he is convinced that he is a  
burden to Carole and that he ruined your life and that hate is safer than love at this point."

"Just take me home please."

"I'm sorry I asked you to come."

"It's not your fault. It's Finn's."

"Rachel you know that is not true. He isn't in the right mind."

"I realized now I don't love him. I can't anymore."

"Rachel, as your friend and his brother. I'm asking you to please not give up on him. He is gonna need you at some point."

"You heard him Kurt, he hates me. H-A-T-E."

"Well I'm telling you he doesn't. You know it too. Don't let his stress speaking make you give up on him."

"Kurt, who are you convincing yourself or me? I waited these last 3 years for your brother and he spoke his peace. I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

**Thank you guys so much for your reviews. I really enjoy writing Finchel.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt made it back to the bar.  
Finn was sitting with his head on the bar.

"I heard you tell him you were coming back for him.  
He has been like that since about 10 minutes after you left." Said the bartender  
"Thanks for putting up with him."

Kurt started lightly shaking Finn.

"Finn, wake up. Come on it's time to go home."

"mmmm. Kurt?"

"Yeah. Come on brother."

"Thanks for coming to give me a ride. I don't wanna walk home."

" I know. Come on."

Kurt was sleeping when he heard his bedroom door creak open and a knock on it

"Kurt I know you're sleeping but I need to know what I did."

" Did what?"

"Did I really see Rachel?"

Kurt sat up in bed.

"Yes, and you will probably be lucky if you ever do again."

"Crap, I messed up.I was hoping I just dreamed about it again." Finn sat down on the foot of Kurt's bed.

"You sure did. I'm not even sugar coating it. Rachel is really hurt. You know  
she will always love you. Well she did. She said she is done loving you."

"I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry to me."

"What have I done?" Finn felt tears coming.

"Nothing good."

"What if she doesn't ever forgive me? Look at me Kurt. I never wanted to let Rachel down.  
It's why I didn't talk to her when she wrote me letters. I don't deserve such a great woman  
who has everything."

"You need to talk to her Finn. You'd be surprised who she has become."

"I can't."

"You can and you will. But you have to do it sober."

"I'm sorry I woke you up Kurt."

"What time is it?"

"It's 6 AM. I'm use to getting up early now. Go back to sleep brother."

Finn went back to his room and laid in bed thinking about what he could  
ever say to Rachel. He told her he hated her. He had treated her so bad  
in the past few years that she actually believed it. How could he do that?  
He loved her but he knew he'd never be good enough. She deserved someone  
who wasn't this angry person and a coward who spent nights at a bar alone.

It was 8 and he decided he would go for a run to keep his routine and to  
maybe clear his head. He found himself on Rachel's street and decided this  
was as good as time as ever to say sorry. He walked up the steps and knocked.

The door opened to a girl with bags under her eyes. Finn could tell she had been crying.

"Are you here to tell me you hate me some more?"

Finn felt the blush already. "I am so sorry Rach."

"Yeah."

"Rachel I mean it. I don't expect you to forgive me. But I wish you would."

"I spent all these years just wishing you would talk to me and the day you finally do you tell me you hate me."

"You believe that? From the day I met you I fell in love with you.  
I knew I would never amount to half the person you would. You knew it too. I could never hate you."

"Don't you get it? We aren't 18 anymore and somehow I've held on to the  
thought that you were going to come back into my life. I don't care who you  
are to everyone else Finn. You are great to me. You didn't have to become  
something to have my had it from the first time I pretty much saw you.  
But You were the one who decided to leave me and let me go."

"Rach you don't even know who I am saw that last night."

"So you can't change? You're just stuck like that now?"

"Kurt told me you said you can't love me anymore."

"Yeah I did say that. You said you hate me Finn. Why would I do that to myself? Keep loving a ghost."

"Because I know that you know the truth."

"Actually I don't anymore. I thought I did. I thought you would always love me.  
I never thought you would become this person but you have a way of proving me wrong."

"Rach, you know I love you. I always have."

"So by ignoring me that was loving me?"

"I wanted you to have a chance to be able to move on. You deserve better than me."

"You don't make choices for me Finn."

"You don't forgive me then?"

"I don't really know how to do that at this point. I don't like who this Finn is."

"I really am sorry Rachel."

Finn started running again. That is not how he wanted it to go.  
It never hit him till this morning that Kurt was right. He was ruining his life.  
Why did it take him being mean to Rachel to make him realize it? He needed her more  
than she knew at this point. She was the last person he ever wanted to hurt.

Finn got back to the house. "Kurt!"

"What is it? Is something wrong honey?" asked Carole.

"I need to talk to Kurt."

"He went with Burt to the store for me."

"Honey come sit down we need to talk."

"What do we need to talk about Mom?"

"I can see it in your eyes and I heard Kurt helping you home last night. There is a lot ways I see your father in you but I never wanted to see this part of him in you. Finn you just turned 21 don't let drinking control your life."

"I know. It just happened. But I learned my lesson already. I really messed up."

"What did you do to Rachel?"

"How did you know?"

"Finn you aren't a little boy anymore I know that there is few people who can get a message through to you and her being number one."

" I told her that I hated her and it really hurt her."

"Finn Christopher Hudson!"

"I know. I apologized and she didn't accept it."

"How could you even say something like that? That poor girl loves you with all her heart and only God knows how or why some days."

"I really do feel awful."

"Of course you do. But you can't blame her for being really upset."

"I don't. I need to make it up to her."

"You better make it fast her and Kurt are going back to New York in the morning."

Kurt and Burt walked in the door. Carole greeted them. "Kurt , sweetie can you go talk to Finn. He told me about what is going on. He wanted to talk to you."

"Oh man. Yeah I guess I'll see you guys later."

"Kurt? He is in his room."

"Really? Wow."

Kurt knocked lightly on Finn's door.

"Come in."

"Your mom said you wanted to talk to me."

"I think I not only ruined my life, I ruined Rachel's that just proves I need to stay out of it."

"That's it you are just giving up on the two of don't just always wait around for each other."

"It's done Kurt. I talked to my mom about it. Rachel didn't forgive me. There is not a lot I can do when you guys are leaving in the morning."

"I can't be in the middle anymore then Finn. If you won't fight for her then I can't fight for you."

"I'm going to the bar."

"Of course you are!"

"Just let it go for once Kurt. I'm still in once piece. I won't call you this time. I'll leave my phone at home."

"Whatever Finn."

**Tell me what you think! I love reading reviews. What do you think should happen next? I think I have an idea but I also have a couple.**


	7. Chapter 7

Finn walked into the bar still steaming from Kurt starting an argument over something that had no hope at this point. He had lost Rachel for good. Why should she forgive him? He had something he could never take back. Truth or not he had said it and Rachel was right they were not 18 anymore.

"Oh you're back." Said the bartender smugly.

"I'm sorry if I caused you any grief yesterday. I was just having a bad day. Can I get a whiskey?"

"Sure kid."

Well he must of not done anything too ignorant to the older man behind the bar last night he wasnt kicking him out just yet. He'd just have one drink and then maybe he'd go back home and try to talk to Rachel one more time before her and Kurt left in the morning.

"That is a pretty tough drink to start out with. You trying to forget something?"

Finn looked over and saw a skinny little blonde with the biggest smile on her face.

"I can hold myself and I'm only having one."

"I'm sure you can. I'm Alison."

"Finn."

"Well Mr. Finn you are doing a shot with me. I wanna see that something other than cowboy drinks can go down your throat."

"I'd rather not. I'm only having this drink then leaving." Why did he not bring his phone with him? He could call Rachel and just say sorry and that he would do anything to make it up. Heck it would be a good excuse to get away from this chatty girl beside him.

"I thought you said you could hold yourself. You're backing out."

"Fine, one shot. You buy and I'll show you who the wimp is."

After a couple times of proving his "toughness" Finn felt on fire and completely forgot he was going to call whatsherface.

"I like you Finn. Will you walk me back to where I'm staying?"

"Sure." He said pretty slurred

Alison leaned over and started kissing him.

* * *

Rachel and Kurt were sitting in their seats halfway to New York.

"What do you mean he didn't come home!"

"I figured you would have heard from him and that we would get on the plane and you would tell me you forgave him or whatever. I thought he was going to end up at your place."

"No. I saw him yesterday morning and pretty much told him that he and I were done if he hated me. I hope he is okay."

"I am sure he will be fine."

Rachel had every instinct to wanna run back to Lima to make sure that Finn was in one piece but she pushed the feeling down. She needed to stick to what she told him. She was done with him. He told her he hated her and her dads always said drunk feelings were true feelings. She had too much to do than worry about someone who was a lost cause.

* * *

6 months

Rachel had got into another show. This time it was a new show just coming out for the first time. She had gotten the lead again and made work her life since she never found what she was looking for on her break. She started seeing a guy named Brody. Nothing serious. Just someone to help her pass the time off and on.

She walked through the door into the apartment. Santana was sitting on the couch watching tv. "Hey Rachel."

"Hey Santana. What are you watching?"

"Just some dumb lifetime movie."

"Oh I'm sure I've seen it then." she laughed.

"I'm sure."

"I need a shower." Rachel said

Kurt came through the door on the phone.

"What do you want me to do Dad? He is a big boy. I have to go. Love you , bye."

"What is going on with that ?" asked Santana.

"Nothing. Lima drama."

"What did your dumb brother do this time?"

"Dad called and told me that him and his new woman whatever her name is….Ali. He can't get Finn to get a job and she just lost her job and wants to move in with Carole and my dad. All they do is go to the bar every night."

"What happened to him? Guess you got out lucky Berry not having to put up with that." Santana put in.

"Yeah." Rachel said at almost a whisper.

"I don't know what my dad wants me to do. Finn is 21 years old he can make his own choices and I tried. Over and over again."

Rachel couldn't hear anymore she walked into her room. Where in the world was her Finn? She knew it wasn't her problem anymore. Heck as far as everyone knew she didn't wanna see Finn ever again. He told her he didn't want her anymore and then that he hated her. She didn't have to save Finn from drowning he wasn't her boyfriend anymore. Nope, Just the boy she would always love.

"Rachel are you ready?" yelled Kurt.

"Yes. But can't I just stay home?"

"Rachel Berry it is your 21st birthday you are not just staying home." Santana snapped at her.

"We even invited Brody." Kurt put in.

"You act like Brody and I are going to get married."

"Well why aren't you?" Santana asked.

"Are we going out or not? We don't have time talk about my relationship life."

"Oh no once more thing needs said on this topic." Said Santana

Rachel sighed. "What is that?"

"He didn't wait for you. He moved on. He is out being stupid and dumb and just plain idiotic. You know that and I know you still think that he will change but why are you waiting around till he does? You say you're not in love with him but everyone can clearly see how you react when he is brought up. So quit letting him ruin your happiness."

"I am happy."

"You don't let yourself be happy even if you are." Kurt said.

"It's my birthday and you guys are ganging up on me."

"Listen Diva, no one is against you. We just can't be for you if it's you feeling sorry for yourself."

"Fine! You guys wanna know the big secret. Brody and I are together and I am happy and glad I got away from Finn.

"You fibber!" Santana said.

"I'm not… in fact he is coming to Lima with us this weekend for my birthday!"

What had she just said? Yes she and Brody were pretty much dating but by no means did she want to take him back to Lima yet. Everything she was trying to hide and get away from was there and now she was taking some innocent bystander back to deal with the craziness of her dads who were never around and the boy who was yet to be a man who still had her heart.

* * *

"Thank you so much for inviting me back home with you to celebrate your birthday." Said Brody.

"Of course. You and I have been close lately and I thought you might want to spend some time away from the city."

"We should go out tonight."

Rachel instantly felt uneasy.

"We just went out in the city for my birthday."

"Yeah but this is your hometown. Santana said it would be a great idea."

"I don't know Brody."

Rachel put her head down and felt her wrist grabbed.

"We are going out and you are going to have fun." Brody said as he squeezed tighter on her wrist.

"Okay."

Out at the bar and Brody ordered himself and Rachel a whiskey. Rachel's stomach instantly turned when it made her think of Finn.

"Drink Rachel." Brody said.

She took a small sip. Santana gave Brody a strange look and turned to Rachel.

"Berry why is he barking orders at you?"

"He isn't."

"Rachel." She said sternly.

"He isn't San. He just was snapping me out of my day dream."

"Whatever."

Kurt walked in the door with Finn and Ali following.

"Hey guys sorry I'm late. I had to give those two a ride."

"That's alright." Rachel chirped in.

Finn walked over Ali's hand in one hand and drink in the other.

"Happy Birthday Rach."

"Thank you."

Brody pulled Rachel aside and gave her a stern look. "What's with you talking to all these guys?"

"That is Finn he is Kurt's brother and my friend from high school."

"I don't care who he is!"

Finn gave Kurt a strange look.

"What is up with that guy?"

"That is Rachel's boyfriend Brody. I'm not quite sure."

"I didn't mean to start anything. For gosh sakes Ali is standing here with me. I'll leave you guys be."

Finn kept glancing over at Rachel and noticing how sad she looked.

"Boo, what is wrong?" asked Ali

"Uhh nothing. Just seeing if my brother is still here. Hey I gotta hit the head be right back."

"I'll order us some new drinks."

"Yeah, okay." Finn walked towards where they were all standing. He knew it was none of his business and that probably no good could come of it. He had a couple drinks in him but he couldn't help but worry about Rachel.

He went and stood by Kurt. "Hey brother."

"Hey Finn. Where is Ali?"

"She is ordering us a couple more drinks."

"Sounds good."

Brody caught sight of Finn standing by Kurt. He was too close for comfort to Brody.

"Hey! Jolly Green Giant. HEY!"

Finn glanced down the bar towards Brody from talking to Kurt.

"She is mine! You can't have her."

Finn just gave him a strange look. "Okay?"

Brody grabbed Rachel by the back of the hair as she had her head down in embarrassment and pulled her up by it.

"Quit acting like you're ashamed of me."

Finn didn't even think twice he grabbed Brody's wrist and twisted. "Let her hair go."

"I knew you wanted her."

"No. But you don't deserve her."

Brody swung first. Finn dodged it and made contact with Brody's face. Brody kicked him. Finn threw him on the ground by his shirt.

"Knock it off pretty boy." Finn yelled as he started walking away.

"Break it up both of you!" Kurt cut in.

"I'm done Kurt. You don't have to yell at me. I'm just not going to let someone treat anyone like that."

"He wants her so back he can have her she is nothing but a cheap slobby prude."

Finn pushed Kurt out of the way and picked Brody up by his shirt again and swung the hardest he thought he could. "Don't you dare talk about her that way."

"All of you out now!" screamed the bartender.

Kurt and Santana started walking and motioned for Rachel who just stood there looking. Finn walked over and grabbed her hand. "Come on Rachel."

Brody kicked Rachel in the side of the foot as she and Finn walked past him. Rachel almost lost her balance but Finn caught her. "Screw you two."

Finn turned around and without even thinking threw one more punch and yelled "Stay away from my future wife."

Kurt just looked at him in shock and smiled. They continued to walk out and when they got outside Ali came running out after them. "Finn!"

"Not now Ali. I am going with Kurt to take Rachel home. I'll call you later."

* * *

Rachel sat in the backseat with tears running down her face. Finn held her. "Shhh, You're okay." She just cuddled up to him.

They pulled into Rachel's driveway and saw her dad's weren't home.

"Rach I'm staying with you till sober up a little bit. Kurt I'll just walk home later."

"Are you sure you're okay Rachel?" Kurt asked before they got out of the car.

Rachel shook her head and started to crawl out still clinging to Finn.


	8. Chapter 8

Finn got Rachel a cup of hot tea. "Here drink this."

Rachel took a sip and laid her head in Finn's lap just like she used to. They just sat like that for awhile till Rachel relaxed and calmed down.

"Finn.."

"Hmm?"

"I was shaken up but you don't have to stay here and baby me.  
You have your girlfriend and Brody was drunk he doesn't normally act like that."

"Don't make excuses for him Rachel. He doesn't even deserve it.  
You know why I did what I did and why I'm here and we both know it's not to baby you."

"What about your girlfriend?"

"What about the fact that you had a boyfriend and  
if I remember correct you hate me just as much as I hate you. Yet here we sit."

Rachel let out a sigh. "Stress brings out weird things in people."

" That all it is, stress? Rachel since you were here months ago I have been trying so hard to be a better person."

"That isn't what I hear."

"I didn't say I was doing the best at it."

"You do seem different than the person I was talking to in  
the summer when you got back. But what Kurt tells me that he gets told isn't good."

"Just because I was out every night and with someone else doesn't mean that  
anyone knows what I do other than me. Rachel I will spend every day of the rest  
of my life trying to fix myself and being someone."

"Finn, you really should call your girlfriend she seems nice. We kind of just left her at the bar."

"Why are you changing the subject?"

"Maybe because I don't want to spend the next half hour telling you what I've told you before."

"Things change Rachel. I could say the same thing to you. I told you a thousand times  
we may not be together but you will always be my girlfriend and for someone else to mistreat you is not okay in my eyes."

"Finn"

"What Rach?"

"Why did you not answer my letters? Last time I will ask I promise."

"I have thought about it so much and all I can really say is because I never  
thought you would stay with me forever. I wanted to be the one to win so that it hurt me less  
and I was this dumb kid and I'm not saying that I'm not now but …." Finn sighed.

"You are different just so you know."

"Really cause I don't see it. I was trying so hard."

"The boy that left me that day at the train station had fear and confusion in his eyes. I don't see that anymore."

"I wish I had a time machine to fix this."

Rachel laughed. "Fix what ? Finn, if we would have got married at 18 I don't think we  
would be standing here today. We would have not became different people…well the people we need to be."

"Grown ups?"

"Yes, I thought for so long that you made a mistake and blamed you for my unhappiness.  
You aren't though, you made me realize what makes me happy. I got Brody so that I could  
keep the loneliness away but I lay here and realize that I'm not lonely, I'm just lonesome for you."

Finn finally looked down at Rachel after avoiding eye contact for most of the time.

"You know I will never leave you. I'm only ever a phone call away."

"I know."

"Rachel you look tired. You should get to bed. I'll quit keeping you up and talking about things that don't need resolved right now."

"Finn are you going back to the bar to drink?"

"No I plan on going home."

"Promise?"

"I promise you."

Finn lifted her up so he could get up. Rachel laid there and watched him start for the door.

"Finny."

Finn turned and looked towards her.

"Yeah."

"Keep that promise to me."

"Rather you know it or not I have kept every promise I ever made you Rachel Barbra Berry."

"You know, you don't have to leave. It's winter and walking home in the cold isn't good for you."

"I have stuff to deal with. Sleep tight Rach."

"Night Finny."

* * *

Finn was feeling tired but like he told Rachel he had stuff to deal with. The long walk back to the bar seemed longer than usual. He walked through the door of the bar. There he was. Finn sat down beside him.

"Where is the little snot?" Brody asked.

"Listen, Here is how the next part of your life is going to go.  
You're going to stay away from Rachel. Don't talk, don' t look, don't even think of her.  
She should have never gave you a shot or even a minute of her time. So go back to New York and leave her alone."

"For someone who doesn't love her you sure are protective over your brother's roommate." Alison said.

Finn glanced over and hadn't even seen her when he sat down.

"Yeah Finn I've been sitting here talking to the guy I watched you beat up earlier.  
That wasn't like you so I came to find out why since you just left without a reason.  
Brody isn't a bad guy. I'm just guessing he had what you wanted."

"Rather you two realize something yet. Rachel is not a prize to win. I care about her."

"We could clearly see that. So I guess that means we are done? You never play hero for me."

"Yeah you were my next stop Alison. It was fun living wild and free but that isn't what I need to do with my life."

"What does this girl have over you?"

"It's a long story. Not really worth telling anymore. Past is past."

"You live this secret life like at any minute you might have to pick up run. It's her you have been waiting for isn't it?"

"I'm sorry Alison."

Finn stood up and walked out and started his trip back home.  
He walked through the door and didn't feel like going upstairs so he just went to sleep on the couch.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank all soo much for you reviews and support. This is actually a pretty long chapter but I didn't want to cut it off cause I needed to get a little further. **

* * *

****

He didn't feel like he was sleeping too long and felt a hand touch his shoulder and shake him. He shot up.

"Mom! Jeeze I've told you before 'bout doing that. I have a poor reaction to being touched now."

"I'm sorry honey. You passed out on the couch again. Wait Finn you don't smell like a brewery, why are you on the couch?"

"I got home pretty late and just wanted to sleep after I made it through the door. I'll go up to my room if you want."

"No honey if your comfortable here . I won't make you move no one else is up yet."

" Hey Mom, I'm really sorry about these past months."

"I forgive you. I was never mad. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"I know."

"Where is Alison?"

"I wouldn't know. Things are done with that."

"What happened? You were just telling me how happy she makes you and for us to let her live here. I had already started planning the wedding."

"Ha Ha Mom. I get it okay. I know that is not what I need to be doing. I realized that tonight and that it isn't going to work for us."

"None of this has to do with Rachel and Kurt being home does it?"

"You know that answer. I miss Rachel and Kurt they were my real true friends and a lot has happened to me."

"I know this last year hasn't been easy for you with coming back to live with me and Burt  
and just trying to find your way. But it really hurts me to see you lose your way."

"I'm sorry Mom. I am going to try and fix things. I know I can this time."

"Of course you can Finn. I'm making breakfast are you going to join us or just go back to sleep?"

"Do you need help making it?"

"I got it under control sweetie. Just join us if you would like."

"Okay. I'm gonna go take a shower first. Then I'll probably stop over and check on Rach."

"Are he dads not even home for her birthday?"

"They weren't last night."

"You tell that girl she is always welcome here."

"She knows that Carole." Kurt said as he came into the living room and plopped down on the recliner.

"Well I have not seen her very much unless we go visit you in New York."

"That is my fault Mom." Finn said in shame.

"Well you two have that tether so I'm sure somehow it will fix itself."

"Some of us can only hope." Kurt said.

* * *

Rachel woke up on the couch still home alone. Why was it so hard for her dads to actually be home?

She picked up her phone and sent a text .

_I really don't want to spend my Saturday alone. Want to hang out? _

There was a knock at the door. Rachel got excited he must have already been on his way.

"I came to get my bag so I can go back home." Brody said.

"Okay stay here I'll grab it for you."

Rachel went to shut the door but Brody stopped it from shutting.

"I think I can handle the task. Where is your giant friend?"

"He is at home. Just get your stuff and leave Brody."

"I will in my own sweet time."

"Why do you have to make it difficult?"

"Why do you have to be so annoying? I will leave when I good and ready."

"Please Brody."

The doorbell rang.

"I'm going to get that." She said.

"Okay. Go away." He replied.

Rachel made it to the front door. It was Kurt.

"Where is Finn?" she asked.

"At home. I need to talk to you."

"Can you call Finn for me please?"

"What is wrong?"

"Brody is here and I don't see him leaving easy."

"I'll get him to leave."

Kurt started up the steps to Rachel's room. Rachel ran after him. "I think he is still drunk."she whispered.

"I've handled plenty of drunks Rachel. He is no one to be afraid of."

"Hey Glitters and Fairies! What's up?"

"Brody quit terrorizing Rachel. Get your stuff and leave."

"Or what you gonna call the giant to come hit me again."

"Just leave Brody you're not welcome here." Kurt said.

Rachel sighed.

"Oh yes Rachel. Your little friend didn't get me to leave. Better go call Giant."

"They don't have to." Finn had let himself in when he knocked and no one answered.  
He knew sometimes Rachel would go to her room and sing or listen to music too loud and not hear him knock.

"I am not hurting anyone chill."

"Get your stuff and go Brody. I told you last night to stay away from Rachel."

"What are you gonna do if I don't?"

"I'm going to be an adult which I can tell you're not and call the cops. I'm not going to keep fighting you."

"An adult? You're nothing but a large child. Thinking that she will stay with you. She is too self centered."

"Leave."

Brody picked up the last of his stuff and pushed through the doorway past Finn.

"This isn't exactly what I expected when I invited you over I promise." Rachel said.

"I would hope not. Anyways Kurt if you were coming over here thanks for the ride." Finn joked.

"I didn't know you wanted a ride "giant"." Kurt laughed.

"Why did you stop here Kurt?" Rachel asked.

"Well I knew Finn was by your side yesterday but I didn't know if you were  
okay or if you still needed someone and if he was starting out early today."

"I'm really sorry to both of you. I'm saying it right now." Finn said.

"Let me stop you right there. I've told you before you never have to be sorry  
to me. I'm your brother and I know that when you say stupid things to me that  
you don't mean it. But watching you treat Rachel like you have for 3 years I don't know  
how she even stands to look at you and if she won't say it I will." Kurt said.

"Let's take this downstairs where we can all sit and talk." Rachel suggested.

"I mean it to both of you. The person I let myself become is not what I imagined. I just got  
messed up. I had lost everything it felt. I had no friends, no family, I had pushed away the only person  
I could ever see myself spending the rest of my life with."

"Yet. You had family. Your mom tried to talk to you all the time and so did my dad!"

"I know Kurt. But I just was in a bad place. It was easier to repress the feelings than to try and deal with what I could do next."

"You left her."

"I thought it was for the best. You even knew that, and in the end it was!"

"How do you know? Cause now Rachel is fixed? Cause she actually had no  
choice but to get over you and focus on the only other thing she loved.  
Cause she won her lifetime dream without you! But you don't know, for  
months when I would get letters from you and you wouldn't write her she  
was crushed. I have been trying to tell you for years. But you were never  
sober or wanted to talk about Rachel. That is why I didn't give you a ride cause  
I needed to talk to Rachel about this and be a voice of reason."

"What?" Finn said.

"It's not his fault Kurt. I forgave him." Rachel said with tears in her eyes.

"He doesn't know but I do. I have been in the middle of this all along.  
You can't just go back to when we were all 18. I know you love each other and that's great.  
But you have told each other for months now that you hate one another and your done cause  
it was easier than talking about it. Do you two even know each other anymore? I don't think so."

"No one said we are going to go get married today Kurt. We are going to hang out." Finn said.

"I know what hang out means. I know how feelings get in the way."

"I'm sorry do you think I should have let some guy that has known  
Rachel 2 seconds of her life physically assault her? That because I can't say the words of truth  
because I had a lot going on in my life that I should just turn and watch her be hurt.  
I guess I should have just stood there."

"Finn stop it! Don't yell at Kurt he is right." Rachel yelled

They both just looked at her with tension thick in the air.

"Good, That's great Rachel maybe next time you are being hurt I'll just act like it's nothing."

"I'm not trying to fight with either of you. All I'm saying is that before you two decide that  
life is perfect realize we are not all in high school any longer and that you need to talk.  
I'm gonna get going. If you need a ride later Finn call me." Kurt said.

* * *

"So if Kurt is right should I just leave? You don't want me around Rachel you just say the word."

"Finn, please don't overact."

"Then what is he right about Rachel?"

"I meant he is right in the way that I probably don't know that  
much about you anymore and you probably don't know me. Things change."

"Then that is why we are hanging out."

"Fine we will start over. Hi I'm Rachel Berry."

"Finn Hudson."

"I work on Broadway."

"I just got released from the Army."

Rachel looked down.

"What? Don't freeze up."

"I won a Tony earlier this year and the only person I wanted to be there  
was not and was most likely sitting in a bar getting drunk."

"I lost the only person that ever meant anything to me who really  
I pushed away because I didn't think I was good enough. Now she hates me."

"I don't hate you Finn."

"I don't hate you Rachel, I never have."

Finn leaned over and kissed her. When he pulled back she just stared at him.

"I'm sorry that isn't getting to know each other." Finn said.

"It's fine."

"It's still your turn."

Rachel just looked at him for what seemed like a long time then she shut her eyes and opened them and looked at Finn.

"Every time Brody would yell at me or hurt me. At the end of the night I always ended up at home lying in bed thinking  
..Where is my Finn? Is he ever gonna come back? I would wish you were there so that  
I could have someone to tell me that no matter what everything was going to be okay.  
But you weren't. You had been gone so long that I thought I was dreaming to think that  
I would ever be able to just sit here and talk to you ever again. I didn't even need you to  
love me or be with me. I just needed you, the real you. The boy that believed in me. But I was always there ...alone.

Rachel just started hugged her so tight to try and sooth her. "Shhh."

"I'm sorry I just had to tell you."

"No Rachel. I'm sorry, for everything. I always wanted to pick up the phone and call you I just didn't know where to start."

"We changed."

"Yeah."

Rachel laid down on Finn's lap again and waited for the tears to stop. Finn just stroked her hair till she calmed down.

"I love you Rachel."


	10. Chapter 10

"Finn, before you go and say that you need to keep in mind that you hardly know me." Rachel said.

"Rachel I've always loved you. You know that."

"And you know that I will always love you too but Kurt is right are we in love with each other now?"

Finn sighed and looked up the ceiling. He kept stroking Rachel's hair and felt like this spending time together was becoming harder than just not talking at all.

"One way or another Rachel we will end up together. I'm sure of it. We will be endgame. If you're not ready  
to do that now I understand but I'm telling you that I'm not giving up."

"By no means is that what I am saying. Finn if you had not been at that bar I would probably be  
sitting here with Brody and listening to him tell me how I am whatever negative thing."

"The more you talk about him the more I really do want to go kick him in the face over and over again."

"You know fighting is not the solution even if you are like the Incredible Hulk at it. You said so early."

"I know that. Believe me I'm not always the 17 year old version of myself that went around kicking things over.  
In fact I haven't gotten this mad about something since I don't know when. I'm protective over you Rach.  
When I would have to channel anger in the Army to do some kind of drill I would think of you and someone  
hurting you or you just being sad and me not being there to comfort you. You're my strength Rachel. That is how I know I love you."

"You don't have to be my hero. But it's nice that you are cause in my eyes you are my superhero, always have been."

"Then what is the problem?"

"I have a whole other life in New York. We both know how you have been for almost a year now. I can't put that in my life. I can't put that in.. "

The phone rang. Rachel jumped up and answered it.

"Hello."

"Yeah, Hi, I miss you too dear."

"Tomorrow night. I promise once you get here we can spend all the time together. Let me talk to Dad. Love you. Bye."

Rachel nervously smiled at Finn while waiting for whoever on the line.

"Hi to you too. When are you coming home? I want these papers signed. I'm 21 years old now. I am an adult. Whatever come home. Bye."

"Sorry about that." She said.

"In what?"

"In what, what?"

"What are you hiding Rachel? Do you know how awkward you have been acting?  
That isn't like you. In fact it's not even like Kurt to yell at us for not knowing each other what are you hiding?"

"I told you we don't know each other that well anymore. I planned to tell you after you wrote back in your letter  
but then I got a letter that said you didn't want bothered with what I had to say. So I just made the best with what I had around me."

"What went on?"

"Finn we have a daughter."

"WHAT!"

"Her name is Lila. She is the sweetest little girl you'd ever want. She turned 3 a couple weeks ago."

"You never thought to tell me? Where is she?"

"My dad's have her. I never told you because you didn't seem to want bothered  
and I wasn't going to make you do something you didn't want to do. I almost wanted  
to tell you when I heard you were home after your release but then you hated me and well. I'm sorry I didn't tell you it just was never a good time."

"Why didn't Kurt ever tell me? How could you dare keep her from me? I have to go this is too much to deal with. How could you Rachel?"

Finn stormed off before Rachel could even get another word in.

* * *

"KURT, KURT YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Finn said before he even made it in the door fully.

"Why are you yelling Finn?" Carole asked.

"I take it you finally know what has been going on. I told you that you needed to have a talk." Kurt said.

"How could you never tell me! All those times I talked to you and would tell you to take care of Rachel."

"So I did. I took care of her and Lila. You weren't there and you didn't want to be. So I being a good best friend  
and uncle decided that I would do what you told me and keep Rachel's secret and do what you asked and take care  
of tried so many times to tell you while she was pregnant it was your fault really that it ended up the way it did."

"I'm your brother you owe it to me, Rachel owes it to me to let me be part of her life on my decision. Wait how is it my fault."

"Once again you don't listen to the full story right?"

Carole answered the door and let Rachel in.

"Are they fighting about Lila?" Carole asked.

"I'm sure they are I told Finn about her cause she called me."

"All those times I watched her for your fathers and they never told me that  
she was my granddaughter. She is isn't she? They always just called her Rachel's little opps."

"Yes she is Finn's. I'm sorry I never told you. He just never wanted bothered with me after that day at the train station."

"Honey I would have helped you. You would have never had to lose her if you would have just told me."

"What full story?"

"You didn't let her finish before you stormed here to yell at me."

Rachel could hear them from the hallway but she just pretended she wasn't there as she and Carole just looked at each other.

Kurt sighed. "Rachel had her earlier than her due date and it was before her 18th birthday. Her dads were furious that  
someone who had such amazing dreams to fulfill thought it was okay to just give them up. They told her to send Lila to  
live with you wherever you were cause it was your fault she was in that situation. But she wouldn't so because she was  
still a minor they took custody of Lila and hardly let Rachel see her but they told her when she was 21 that they would  
sign custody back to her. It's really why she is here and has been sitting at home all weekend."

"If I would have known."

Rachel could hear his anger drop so she decided to make her presence known.

"If you would have known it could have been different but you didn't  
so it doesn't make a difference now. No one is mad at you for anything." She said.

"I'm sorry that I ignored you Rachel. If I would have been here we could have kept her cause I would have been 18."

"It's alright."

"Are they gonna let you have her back?"

"They are suppose to. I hate to fight with them."

"I could so use a drink right now." Finn started to get up.

"You don't need one and I'm not letting you."

"What are you gonna do jump on my back?"

"I really could use the sober Finn still today. I don't know why you think you need to keep drinking."

"It helps with stress."

"So does going for a run or venting to I don't know the girl you say you love or your brother."

"How am I suppose to still love you after such a big secret?"

"The same way I love you when you say you want to go to the bar."

* * *

The doorbell rang Carole answered it.

"Is our daughter here?" Leroy asked.

"Yeah. Would you like to come in?"

Leroy came in and walked straight into the living room where Rachel, Finn and Kurt were sitting.

"Rachel are we signing these papers now? I have things to do." Leroy said.

"Where is Lila?"

"Out in the car she doesn't need to be in here around that thing." He said pointing at Finn.

"Bring her in here. If I am getting custody of her I want her with me."

"I know you don't like me Mr. Berry but that is my child so she is going to have to be around me." Finn said

"You aren't even the breath I had to breathe while you spoke. Do you know how much pain you have caused in my family."

"Dad let it go! Go get Lila and get this over with."

"Fine."

He came back in with Hiram and Lila sleepily in his arms. Rachel went up to Hiram and leaned so she was looking into Lila's eyes. "Lila wanna come live with Mommy?"

Lila lifted her head up with a smile. "Yes!"

Lila reached for her and Rachel took her from her fathers arms. "Mommy has to sign a paper why don't' you go see Uncle Kurt. Get that paper out Dad."

"You sign here."

Rachel handed Lila to Kurt. Turned and signed the paper.

"Hi Miss Lila Ann."

"Uncle Furt. Who that?"

"That is...Finn."

"Oh."

"Okay good she is all yours. Children are not suppose to have children so maybe now  
that you are an adult. Have fun with your mistake." Leroy and Hiram went to turn and leave.

"Wait."

They both turned with surprise.

"Give me that paper real quick."

Leroy handed it to her hesitantly.

"Finn sign this."

"What?" He asked.

"Sign this. You are her father."

"Do you want me to have custody over her? I mean we just."

"Finn Hudson sign that paper right now." Carole said.

Finn took the pen from Rachel's hand and signed it.

"Here you go Dad. Make sure you turn that in."

"You're making a mistake in trusting him again. He'll never be any good for you or Lila."

"Well I'm an adult and I can make that decision."

Rachel sat back on the couch and Lila reached for her.

"Mommy!"

"Little girl! You gonna say hi to Finn?"

"Hi."

"She looks like you Rachel, she is so small."

"I always thought she looked like you."

"Either way she is the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"She should be. We are two of the cutest people ever."

"Do you want to get dinner?" Finn asked.

"Sure."

* * *

"She is so quiet I keep forgetting she is with us." Finn said once they sat down at the table.

"She always has been. She hardly ever cried."

"You got lucky. She is a perfect child for you."

They ate their meals and Rachel helped Lila cut up her food and they laughed and joked about how much Lila acted like both of them.

"What do you want to do then? I know I made you have custody over her but you don't have to if you don't want."

"My question is that you don't want me to be your anything but you need me to be a dad to our kid?"

"Finn, no one not even me is gonna make you do something with Lila if you don't want to."

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. You live in New York and have a whole life there and  
I've been sitting in Lima for months doing nothing. Now I feel like I have all these things to do. Make up with you and now I have a child."

"Here's what we will do. I'm going back to New York for a week cause of my show. But Kurt has to come back for Christmas and I might come too. You can think about it and let me know if you want all this in your life. Kurt and I both told you that there was a lot that you didn't know."

"I didn't think this would be part of it."

"I know. It's a lot to deal with. I do love you Finn Hudson and I'm sure Lila will fall in love with you."

"I..Are you ready to go? I'll drop you and Lila off at your house."

"Yeah she is getting tired."

* * *

Finn dropped them off and went to the bar. He knew Rachel told him that he didn't need to but he really did.


	11. Chapter 11

Rachel put Lila in her bedroom to sleep so that when she had to wake her up for the flight in the morning she would be there. She went downstairs to get a drink.

"Why aren't you with your love of your life?" Leroy said.

"We are taking things slow. We are just on a friends base now."

"I can't believe you are going to ruin your life all over again with him."

"Can we not do this? Lila deserves a father and Finn is not a bad person."

"Rachel you may live in New York and not see him all the time. But when I'm driving to work I see him walking his sorry behind home from the bar. I'm sure that is where he is now. I don't know what it is going to take for you to wake up and realize that he is a loser."

"He may be a loser but he was always my loser and I am not giving up on him."

"Sometimes I don't know who raised you cause I sure didn't raise you to be the supporter of a lowlife."

"But you raised me to love everyone and not judge people."

"Some people don't deserve second chances or a tenth chance like you are giving."

"I've had it with you doubting Finn."

Rachel went upstairs and started gathering stuff together. She tried to call Finn but there was no answer. She texted Kurt and asked him if he minded if she stayed there till they boarded their flight in the morning. She picked up Lila and started downstairs.

"Where do you think you're going?" Leroy asked.

"To sleep at Kurt's till we go back to New York."

"You aren't taking Lila with you if you're leaving now she is sleeping."

"She was sleeping till you started shouting…and I can take her she is my daughter."

* * *

Kurt had Burt's truck and was waiting in the driveway.

"Where is the car?" Rachel asked.

"Where ever Finn is. He didn't come home yet."

"You have got to be kidding me. If this night wasn't bad enough. He promised me."

They pulled up to the house. Lila had fallen back asleep on the ride. Kurt helped her carry the stuff in the house.

"Rachel, honey you can lay Lila in Burt and I's room that is where she normally naps when I watch her." Carole said when Rachel walked in the door.

Rachel came back out from lying Lila in the bed.

"I'm so tempted to go jump down Finn's throat because I'm already mad but it's not my place." Rachel said.

"Yes it is Rachel. He threw a fit today that you kept Lila a secret and didn't know why you would. He is expected to be a good father now." Kurt said.

"No he isn't expected to do anything. I told him he has a choice. I don't expect him to be a dad if he isn't ready to be."

"Well he is going to be! He sat here this morning and told me how he needed to fix his life with you and was going to do anything to make it that way." Burt said.

"Rachel, I swear you are the only one who can talk to any sense into him. I've tried so many times." Carole said almost sounding defeated.

"Carole will you take care of Lila if she wakes up Finn and I need to have a talk." Rachel said.

"Of course."

* * *

Finn was sitting at the bar and was feeling the effects of the day of being stressed. "One more drink and I'm going to get going."

"Already Finn? It is early for you."

"I'm tired and already feeling like I'm going to fall asleep."

Rachel pulled into the bar. She was going in with a force. She sat down beside Finn.

"Hi there." She said.

"Rachel what are you doing here? I dropped you off at home."

" I could ask you the same thing. I thought you told me you wouldn't go to the bar anymore. You promised me."

"Yeah well you lied to me. It takes a lot to find out you're a father."

The bartender walked over. "Can I get you anything?"

"Whiskey. For me and Finny here."

"Rachel you have a child to take care of you can't be sitting here drinking with me."

"You have a kid to take care of too."

"I can't be a father. How am I supposed to do that I never even had one."

"That's funny I never had a mother yet I buckled down and decided I'd be one. Then because some boy I loved ran away and left me I didn't get that choice."

"That's not fair I didn't know."

"You didn't let me tell you. Here take a shot with me." She said.

"Rachel quit it. I don't want to have to take care of you when you're wasted."

Rachel started laughing. "I use to tell myself the same thing when I saw you a couple months ago. But since we are both old now I see your fun in it."

Finn pulled her drink away from her. "You don't need this you need to go home and go to bed. You have a flight in the morning."

Rachel pulled her drink back and pulled Finn's too. "I can do what I want. I'm a big girl. You're not my boss Finn Hudson."

"You're really irritating me woman. I know I'm not your boss but I care if something happens to you when you have to drive home."

"Good cause you're not getting rid of me. Our daughter is sleeping at your house as we speak. My dad started talking about how I am stupid to think that you will change so I left cause I know the guy I love would never let me down again cause he already made that mistake before."

Rachel took another shot.

"I said I was sorry."

"Cool. Are you going to drink with me or not?"

"Rachel stop it! I get it okay."

"What you don't want me as a drinking partner? How rude is that?"

"No, I just don't want to see you drink cause you're stressed. You don't even like to drink."

Rachel just looked at him and smiled till he got the point. "But anyways want to take a shot with me now?"

"Ugh woman you're such a pain. Come on we are going home."

"That's alright you go ahead I'm just gonna sit here and relax."

"Rachel let's go. I had one drink before you got here and that is all I planned on."

"Finn you ruin all the fun."

Finn rolled his eyes and he watched Rachel stumble up and out of the bar stool at first.

* * *

Rachel pulled in after Finn. He waited for her to get out of the truck so that they could walk in together. Kurt just glared at Finn when they sat down on the couch.

"Finn, sometimes I truly wonder how anyone puts up with you. Let alone Rachel." Burt said.

"I got the point okay. I'm sorry I went to the bar."

"You know you're allowed to go to the bar. But not to hide out from your problems." Carole said.

Rachel hiccupped. "I told you that you were getting drunk." Finn said.

"I need to sleep. Mind if I sleep in your den Burt?" she asked.

"You can sleep in my bed. I will sleep on the couch." Finn said.

"Are you sure?"

"Just do it."

"Finn don't be mean to her." Carole said.

"I'm never mean to her. If you would have seen her making a joke of herself at the bar you would be disappointed in her too."

"It's funny how it's okay when you have been doing it for months." Kurt said.

"Yeah well I don't have a life or other people to worry about other than myself."

"Well that is a total lie but good night all." Rachel said.

"How was I ever in love with you? I really wonder some days." Finn said.

Rachel didn't turn around she just continued into the bedroom.

"I really don't understand why you hate her when you drink." Carole said.

"What is ...there to...like?" Finn said as he passed out.


	12. Chapter 12

Rachel was half sleeping and there was a knock on the door. "Rachel, Lila woke up and wanted you." Carole said.

"Come on sweetie." Rachel said.

Lila crawled up in bed with her and was out like a light. Rachel was sleeping when she felt someone crawl in bed.

"Finn?"

"The couch was losing its comfort."

"I'm not mad anymore."

"I don't want you to leave and be mad at me."

"It's okay. Night Finn."

"Night."

* * *

Rachel woke up and started getting things ready and left Lila in bed with Finn till the last possible moment.

Finn rolled over and realized Rachel wasn't in bed anymore but he heard a light snoring and saw Lila laying there. He smiled to himself and put his arm over the little girl so she didn't roll out of bed. "You're my girl Lila bug."

* * *

"You ready Diva?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go grab Lila out of bed. I'm just leaving her in her PJ's for the flight."

Rachel walked in the room and found Finn protectively having his arm over Lila as they slept.

"Lila wake up. It's time to go home."

She stirred. "No Mommy, sleep."

"Yeah Mommy, some of us are trying to sleep." Finn said.

"Haha Finn. Tell Finn good bye Lila."

"Finn, I like you. Come with me and Mommy."

"I can't. But I'll see you when you come back to visit."

"Bye Finny. Love you."

Finn looked up from his pillow.

"I love you too Lila. Rachel call me when you get home."

"Okay. I'll see you in a few weeks."

Rachel picked up Lila and walked out.

* * *

Sitting on the flight Rachel was looking at the picture she took of Finn and Lila before she woke them up.

"I think you finally got through to Finn." Kurt said.

"You should have seen his face when Lila told him she loved him this morning."

"Awe."

"I like Finny, Mommy." Lila said.

"I like Finn too. He is very nice to Mommy."

"When are you going to tell her Rachel?"

"When he decides what he wants. I'm forcing no one to be a parent."

"He loves that little girl. He loves you too. So I don't know what he has to decide."

The flight landed and Kurt got a taxi while Rachel took Lila to the bathroom.

The pulled up to the apartment and Kurt got the bags while Rachel carried Lila up the stairs.

Kurt walked the door first and set the bags down. He heard Santana talking to someone. Rachel walked in behind and heard who that someone was.

"Oh hey you guys are finally back." Brody said.

"What are you doing here? You are not welcome here." Kurt said.

"What is that thing you are holding Rachel?" Brody asked.

"This would be my daughter."

"You have a daughter? We dated for how long and you never bothered to mention this?"

"It was never brought up. Why are you here?"

"I came to say sorry. I was just sitting here talking to Santana. I'm really sorry for everything that went on in Lima. The way I got jealous and treated you was not acceptable."

"You're forgiven but you're still not welcome here." Rachel said.

"Why? We use to be friends. We could fix things."

"I do not want you around my daughter. Therefore you need to leave."

"You go back home and you became this total different person." Brody said and walked out.

"What's up with that?" Santana said.

"I am just not going to put up with Brody's drama." Rachel said.

"Hudson got to you again. Did he sober up for you after I came back home? He better not hurt you again!"

"Everything is okay. I'm gonna go lay Lila down and then unpack we will talk later."

Rachel laid Lila down and went back out to the living room.

"So what did he say to you?" Santana asked.

"We hung out and talked about a lot of different things. I told him about Lila and he really seems like he might settle down."

"Take it slow."

"Yeah. I'll see him when I go back to Lima in a few weeks."

* * *

Rachel woke up and looked at the clock it was 2 in the morning she rolled over to try and go back to sleep but couldn't. She didn't want to wake up Lila so she went out to the living room.

"What are you doing up?" Santana asked her.

"I can't sleep. I keep thinking about what I am suppose to do with the Finn situation."

"I told you just take it slow."

"I don't know if I love him anymore San. He is different, I mean we both are but he turned into this alcoholic and its just turning into a long hard winter."

"What do you mean you don't love him?"

"Ever since I saw him back in May when he got back and was 21. Everyone criticizes me for standing by him."

"He is Lila's father and you can't change the past. Of course you want him to be the boy we all loved years ago. But people change Rachel."

"I know. When he is good he is great and I could spend every day with him when he has that smile on his face."

"Just take a deep breath. You can't rewind time so you have to deal with the cards you're dealt. Finn or no Finn in your life."

"Where is My Finn? There has to be a light at the end of this grey tunnel for him."

"We are living our lives Rachel and some times we are just as far in the tunnel as we will ever be out. You make decisions for you and Lila and if Finn isn't the person you need then maybe it's good if he is in Lima and you guys are here."

"Thanks Santana."

"You're welcome. Someone has to be the voice of reason."

* * *

The weeks past and Rachel was really surprised Lila fell into a habit of living with them and it was going really well.

Rachel was packing when Lila was lying on the bed humming and said "Mommy, can we call Finn?"

"Why do you wanna call Finn?"

"He said I was his girl."

"You are his girl Lila Ann. He loves you very much. Give me a few minutes and we will call him."

"We go see him soon?"

"Yeah in a couple days."

Rachel put the last of the clothes away and picked up her phone and laid down by Lila on the bed.

"Hello." Finn answered.

"Hi Finn, A certain girl wanted to call you cause she said she heard she is your girl."

"Is that so? I miss my girl already." Finn said.

"Do you wanna talk to her?"

Rachel handed Lila the phone.

"Hi Finny. Okay! We come see you soon. Love you, bye."

Lila handed the phone back to Rachel.

"So how are things going with being a mom for real now?"

"Really good everything is really great. hey I'm gonna talk to you later cause there is a knock at the door. We will talk soon." Rachel told him.

Rachel went to get the door since Santana and Kurt didn't seem to be around. There stood Brody

"What are you doing here?"

" I want to fix things with you." Brody said.

"I have no interest to fix things. I forgave you but I don't want you in my life."

"I did nothing to you! Finn has your head full of lies!"

"You need to leave."

Brody pushed through the door and stepped inside. Lila came running out.

"She looks just like him... That is why isn't it? You really are in love with him? I knew you had a past!" Brody was screaming.

"Brody calm down. It was high school. I wasn't in love with him when I was with you. But you need to leave."

"Mommy…" Lila said from the bedroom doorway.

"Lila it's okay go back in the bedroom Mommy will be there in a minute."

"Now as I was saying you need to leave Brody." Rachel said.

Brody reached and slapped Rachel across the face knocking her to the ground.

"You're little boyfriend isn't here to save you this time."

"I don't need Finn to fight my battles. I am going to call the cops now." Rachel started to get up.

"No you're not." Brody grabbed her and started choking her.


	13. Chapter 13

Lila heard smashing and Brody yelling even louder than before. She picked up Rachel's phone she had watched her grandpa's and Rachel do this hundreds of times. She wanted her Finn. He would come help her and her mommy. He was like a superhero. She found the call log and pressed send.

Finn picked up instantly "Hey Rach, I didn't expect you to call me back. Who was at the door?"

"Finny!" Lila said with her tears choking her.

"Lila? What's wrong baby? Where is your mom?"

"He is being mean to Mommy. He hurt Mommy."

"Who is? Lila are you okay?"

"I okay. Mommy needs help."

"Where is Uncle Kurt?"

"What are you doing brat?" a man's voice said.

"Lila answer me...Lila Ann."

There was no answer but Finn heard a blood curdling scream.

"Mommy! Mommy help!" Lila yelled then just kept screaming.

* * *

Kurt walked in and found Rachel on the floor. "Rachel! Wake up." Kurt shook her. He called 911. "Rachel, come on you gotta wake up. Where is Little Girl? Come on Diva. You can't do this to me" He could lightly hear her fighting for breath but she wouldn't wake up. The medics arrived and immediately took Rachel out.

Then it hit Kurt. Someone else was missing from this scene. "Lila! Where are you?" Kurt yelled.

Kurt went into Rachel's room quickly and yelled again. "Lila, you can come out its Uncle Kurt." He saw Rachel's phone laying on the floor of the bedroom. It was ringing, Finn's name appeared on the screen. Kurt instantly thought Finn was going to kill him when he found out.

"Finn!" Kurt said.

"Finally I have been calling for forever!" Finn said.

"Have you talked to Rachel?" Kurt answered in a panic.

"Where is Lila! She called me crying and said that Rachel was being hurt and someone was being mean to her then I heard someone in the background come in and start talking to her. She was screaming so loud. It's all I keep hearing in my head."

"I can't find Lila anywhere."

"He took her. I'm on my way to New York right now. I swear to God it was Brody and I'm going to find him and kill him."

"Finn, I just came home and found Rachel unresponsive. I kept trying to wake her up but she wouldn't. If it was Brody he had to have taken Lila I can't find her anywhere."

"He is dead!"

"Calm down. I'm waiting on the police then I'm going to the hospital with Rachel just call me when you get here. Don't do something stupid Finn. You need to be here for Rachel and Lila whatever happens."

"If he hurts my daughter. I swear I will kill him Kurt. It is not an empty threat it's a promise. He better pray that Rachel be okay. I'll see you soon bye brother."

* * *

Kurt hung up the police showed up and questioned him on everything and gave them all the details and they said they would be on it right away. He started on his way to the hospital. He got there and Finn was calling his phone.

"I'm in New York."

"I'm at the downtown hospital. I just talked to the nurse and she is going to get the doctor for me to talk to. I'll wait for you to get here before I go into see Rachel."

Finn walked in and Kurt saw he was still mad. But his eyes were red and puffy.

"What did the cops say? I want him dead." Finn said.

"They said they would go investigate. I haven't heard anything from him or anything from them."

"I know it was him I could hear Lila screaming and crying. How is Rachel?"

"They said she has some pretty serious bruising and marking. Her windpipe was almost completely crushed. They think once she wakes up she should be okay just that she will be pretty sore."

"Till she finds out he took Lila."

"We will figure this all out just try to keep calm."

"I know I messed up. I keep doing it but I can't lose them Kurt. I'll go crazy."

"I know." Kurt said with his head down.

* * *

Kurt and Finn went into Rachel's room. Rachel was still unconscious. Finn touched her arm which seemed like the only unbruised place on her upper body.

"Rachel, please wake up I need to make sure you're okay. I am going to kill him."

"Finn, easy you can't kill anyone. The cops will take care of it."

"He hurt Rachel and took my daughter."

"I know. I'm just as mad. But we can't overreact we need to be here for Rachel and for Lila too. She is going to need her dad."

Finn sat down beside Rachel's bed.

Kurt's phone rang.

"Hello. Yes I'm with Rachel right now. We are at the downtown hospital. Thank you so much."

Finn jumped up. "What, what did they say?"

"They found Brody but he won't tell them where Lila is at. But they are going to come down here and talk to us once they find out anything."

Rachel stirred. "Finn? Why are you here? Where is Lila?"

Finn turned around. "Rach! You're awake!"

"He is gonna kill her."

"What?" Kurt asked.

"Brody, he is gonna hurt Lila. Where is she?"

Finn clenched his fist. "I told you Kurt. If he even touches a hair on her."

"You have to find Lila, Finn." Rachel said with tears in her eyes.

"We called the police they have Brody in custody. They are trying to find Lila." Kurt said.

"What if he already killed her?" Rachel asked.

"Don't think like that." Kurt said.

Rachel just sat and cried. Finn held her.

"Finn, why are you here?"

"Lila called me and told me you were being hurt. I didn't know what else to do but come here."

"Why didn't you just call your brother?"

"Cause I didn't know where he was and I just panicked."

"You're not suppose to be here. I don't need an alcoholic who pretends to be superman. I just need my daughter."

Then the monitors went nuts and Finn jumped.

"Rachel!"Finn yelled.


	14. Chapter 14

The doctors came in and pushed Finn and Kurt out of the way.

They sat in the hall. "Finn, it will be okay." Kurt said.

"How do you know?"

"You have made it through harder things. She has to be okay."

Finn sighed heavy. "What happened to me Kurt?"

"Life happened Finn Hudson." Kurt almost laughed.

"I had everything 3 years ago and somehow here I am known as a drunk of Lima, the girl I would do anything for ,we can't seem to feel to the same way at the same time, I have this daughter that I never knew about and now I feel like I have lost her. I think I lost everything and it's my fault."

"Just take a deep breath it has been one heck of a day."

"How are you, the person that is normally in a panic so calm?"

"Cause this conversation here. This is the one you never seemed to remember. You would call me drunk and ask me the same things like this. It has become my script. Well not the daughter part but you always do this when you are tired and stressed and drunk. You think about how your life is falling apart."

"I can believe that. I tend to worry when I drink."

"I have noticed. It's not that I'm calm. I'm scared sick for Rachel but someone has to be here for you. I don't ever see you get upset unless it is about Rachel."

"You should have just hung up on me all those times."

"It's the benefit of being your brother. Someone has to babysit you."

Then the doctor that had pushed them out came out. Finn was already up as tired as he was. "Is she okay?"

"Her body couldn't handle all the wear and stress. I'm so sorry. I hope they find your daughter."

Finn just stood there and Kurt put his hand on him. Finn shrugged him off and walked into Rachel's room. Kurt followed him. "Rachel wake up! You are not doing this. This is why I hate you. Always drawing attention to yourself."

Kurt stepped up beside him and looked at him in the eye. "Finn."

"No, she needs to hear this. She thinks she can just do what she wants."

"Finn! She is gone."

"She is not." Finn started tearing up and pushed Kurt away. "Rachel I was going to tell….you next week when you came home ...but I guess now that we are here I need to tell you. I don't know what I was thinking when I said I had to think about being a father. I fell in love with Lila the minute I saw her. She looks just like the girl I loved so long ago. You know the one that I ruined everything with. Remember her? I do the girl that always had a smile on her face and the world at her finger tips. I wish I could take it all back. We would have been okay if I didn't push you away. I was going to wait till you got back to Lima and I was going to come and talk to you about how I needed to be part of Lila's life and how I needed you to be part of mine cause you were the only person I cared about. I love you Rachel and I'm sorry it took me this long to make up for everything. I guess I'm loser like your dads always said but I promise I will do everything to make sure Lila is okay and not a loser. She will be great like her mother. I will make you a promise if you make me one. I will stop all this stupid stuff I have been doing, fighting with you, drinking like a sailor, not making something of myself but you can't leave me. Make me that promise Rach, please don't leave me…Please."

Kurt walked beside him. "She always tried so hard to believe in you."

"I messed it all up it's not supposed to end like this."

* * *

Kurt and Finn went back to the apartment. "You can sleep on the couch you need some rest."

"I won't be able to sleep."

"I can tell you're exhausted. Get some sleep."

* * *

Finn heard his phone ring and it woke him up. He was laying on the couch but he was at his mom's house. He sat up in a hurry. He saw Kurt sitting and watching the local 11 o clock news. "Why are we home?" he asked.

"Cause you live here?" Kurt said.

"Where is Lila?"

"In bed. Why are you being weird did you hit your head at the bar tonight?"

"Is she okay?"

"I'm sure they are fine. Are you okay?"

"I just had the weirdest dream. Rachel was dead and we lived in New York and Lila got kidnapped."

"Jeeze, that is crazy. What did you drink tonight?"

Finn got up and walked into his bedroom. "Rach wake up I need to talk to you."

Rachel rolled over in the bed. "Finn whats wrong?"

Rachel got out of bed and walked out into the hall with Finn.

"I had this dream, well this awful nightmare where you were killed by Brody. He took Lila and you hated me once you went back to New York cause I didn't agree to be a parent to Lila. It was so real." Finn started getting upset as he talked.

Rachel grabbed Finn's arms to steady him. "Slow down. I am right here in Lima with you. I'm still alive."

"I know that. It's just it was like it was actually happening. You didn't want me at the hospital with you and then you just died."

"You were probably still half still smell like alcohol. I was really hoping when I came over here tonight that you would keep your promise and not be at the bar. I was trying to prove a point and you were so mean to me. Do you remember that happening?"

"What happens when you leave? I don't want you to. I need to be with you. Can I come to New York with you?"

"Finn, I'm not going to hate you when I leave in the morning. Calm down. I might have been mad earlier but I'm still breathing."

"Rachel, you don't know how real that dream felt. I lost you. These past couple days have been awesome and you leaving. What if you run into Brody and he does hurt you or you decide to get back with him?"

" Nothing is going to happen to me or Lila. It was a dream. You had quite a lot to drink tonight and I think it gave you weird dreams."

"I can't lose you."

"Then don't. I am not going anywhere but home. You will always be Lila's father and if it comes time that you fix your life up some more then maybe we can have a life together."

"I'm not letting you go. I've made my decision. I need to be a parent and I can't lose you."

"You need me like a fish needs a bicycle. You want to be out every night drinking. That is fine, it is your choice but I'm not letting you in Lila's life if you can't be a good influence."

"I'm sorry. Old habits die hard. I don't want you to hate me."

"Finn I've never seen you like this. You are always so sure of yourself. Yet you are pouring heart and soul out. You sure you're not drunk still?"

"All I know is that the stupid mistakes I have made for years now have got to end cause in the end I'm going to lose you and now lose Lila. So can we talk about this?"

"It's almost midnight and you want to talk about this?"

"Yes, I need to know where we are going to stand."


	15. Chapter 15

Rachel took Finn's hand and led him to the den since Kurt was in the living room.

"What happened that we can't seem to get along?" Finn asked.

"What happened for real this time when you were gone? What made you change so much? You were never one to drink or be mean."

"Lots."

"You know you can trust me. I will just listen. I just want to know."

"It's not trust Rach. It's that honestly it was good to clear my dad's name but it was awful. It was like me against the world."

Rachel touched Finn's arm and watched him tense. "Will you try for me?"

"I can't honestly even explain what went on in the military. It changed me, nothing good seemed to ever just made me hate people. Then I got called on my first tour. I was only on that short tour cause of the bombing that happened. I honest to God thought that I would die. I... I made this friend his name was Johnson. He was one of my only friends. He was out when the bombing happened and he got killed. He was such a jerk. But he was the one person that ever made me feel like I was doing the right thing and had my back. Then he was just gone and I found a way to cope. That is when I started to drink."

"Your brother told me that you started drinking because you lost someone but I guess I still thought that was stupid."

"I never felt like I was that close to anyone expect Puck and he and I kind of stopped talking once we graduated. I of course was close to you but that was dead. I remember this one night on tour, I thought about you and was really having a hard time cause I missed you. I was exhausted after being up for days and was thinking what if I never saw you again. Johnson told me to tell him about you cause maybe talking about it would relieve the stress. I told him how beautiful you are and how I started thinking that I messed up by not writing to you. I even told him how we were going to be married and how I still had hoped for that someday after you got your dreams we might."

"You did mess it up. I could have dealt with you being gone. I needed you even if I only got letters."

Finn took Rachel's hand. "Rach, I swear if I could take it all back it'd be done."

"Well what did Johnson say when you told him how you felt?"

"He finally told me that it was going to be the hardest thing I would ever do but I had to forget about the girl. That the past can never change and I probably did the best thing for you because no one wants to wait around for someone that might never come back. That the one that can hold the most power in a relationship is the one that cares less. I think that is why when I'm drunk I'm mean to you because if I push you away I don't sit and worry about losing you again."

"I will never understand your insecurity to just push me away and never talk to me again."

"I would lay there at night and think about how you swore to me it would never end. I wanted so much to believe that I didn't lose you."

"I said I wanted to marry you and you knew how in love with you I am. Yet you were so stupid. You left me and I would lay and cry day after day cause seriously you were the one person who made my life a little better."

"You're in love with me?"

"Finn Hudson, if you haven't seen that I look at you with stars in my eyes like some moon eyed 15 year old girl. Then I don't know where you have been. I have never met such a caring person who would protect me from anything other than you."

"I never did anything but fall in love with you. I still left you."

"Yet here it is midnight and you dreamed about protecting me and our daughter and came to make sure I was okay when you woke up. I never doubted you loved me. Just your actions didn't show it. Imagine if I told you I hated you. Wouldn't you believe me?"

"I am sorry for ever telling you that I hated you. But you know I don't hate you."

"Do you know how much it hurt me when I came home 3 days ago and you were with some other girl?"

"You were with Brody!"

"I saw the love in your eyes. You looked at her the way you use to look at me. I was never in love with Brody."

"I loved Alison when I was drinking. She was a fun person around alcohol. I never once thought that I loved her more than I ever loved you. You are the one that got away. If I never get you back then I honestly failed at the one thing I want in life."

"You love alcohol as much as you love me so pipe down."

"No alcohol fills that void where I want to be sitting with the girl I love but she is off living her dream."

"Some dream she used to fill the void of missing her fiance."

"I saw you win that award. I almost lost it seeing how beautiful you were that night."

Rachel gasped. "You saw me?"

"Yeah. I was going to keep it a secret but I was never more happy in that minute that I did let you go."

"And the minute after?" She asked.

"I could have died cause I wanted to be with you. I didn't want to break my promise that I would be there when you won your first Tony."

Rachel saw it then and had a smile on her face. Finn looked at her.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You're who I wanted there. My husband to be there and who I could thank for being right there beside me and helping raise our beautiful daughter."

"If we were married right now you would have never been lucky enough to be up there. But now I am done making something of myself and I will be there to escort you to the next Tony."

"You wanna do this? Be a parent? Be with that annoying girl you managed to get away from?"

"Rachel, you shouldn't have gave up on trying to tell me. I was a stubborn 18 year old who thought I was doing the right thing. Missing out on Lila's life is something I will regret till the day I die."

"I know that was my fault."

"It's both our faults and not only do I want to be a parent. I do want my girlfriend back. She is the only one who puts up with me and understand me. Will you agree to that?"

"No."

"Why not? I just told you everything, just like you asked."

"Because I don't want to be your girlfriend. I want to be your wife like I was meant to be 3 years ago. Plus how fair is it for me to be the only girl in your life that isn't Hudson?"

"You want to be my wife after just telling me that I was being crazy?"

"Not right now. But sitting here talking to you right now. I don't see the jerk I've been around for months now. I see my Finn. It's why I'm smiling. I thought he was in there somewhere."

"Is this where we stand, that you love me back?"

"I'm still going back to New York."

"I know that. That is where you belong. I am sorry I was freaking out and saying for you to not leave."

"I love you. Nothing will happen to me." Rachel kissed Finn.

"I love you too. You should probably get to bed. You'll be exhausted. I'm sorry I kept you up."

"I'm glad you decided to make me talk to you. I didn't think I would ever find the boy I loved again. Even yesterday when you hung out with me at my house. You were so awkward like you didn't know how to relax and talk to me."

"We may be 21 but I still feel like that 16 year old boy who saw you for the first time with your goofy sweaters and I couldn't imagine a more perfect girl."

Finn leaned down and kissed Rachel.

"Good night Rach. Sleep well."

Finn started back towards the living room.

"Finny, you know you can sleep in your own bed. Lila is small and we've done it before."

Finn turned around and just looked at her with a goofy grin.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"And there is my Rachel. I wondered where you were too."

"What girl?"

"The one that is all smiles and constantly calls me Finny. The control freak that doesn't give me choices."

"Hey, take that back."

"Take back that you told me I love something more than I love you."

Rachel walked back towards Finn. "You are so.." Finn leaned down and kissed her to stop her.

"You are so tired. Go to bed Rach." Finn took her hand and pulled her into his bedroom. He started to walk back out. Rachel stuck out her lip in pouting. Finn smiled at her and crawled in the bed and scooted Lila in between them. Rachel rolled over to face him. "Thank you for coming back to me Finny." she whispered.


	16. Chapter 16

Rachel woke up when she felt the sun hitting her face. She glanced at the clock it was almost time for the alarm. She wanted some more sleep when she rolled over and then it hit her that it wasn't a dream that her and Finn had made up. He was still laying there in bed with her sleeping away. Her dream had finally come true. She got out of bed slowly not to wake Finn or Lila. She went out to the kitchen and saw Carole standing at the stove. Kurt was sitting at the table talking to his dad. Burt caught sight of Rachel. "Hey Rachel, good morning."

"Morning Burt."

"Did you sleep well honey? I'm making breakfast will you do me a favor and wake up Finn and Lila?" Carole asked.

"Sure."

"Wait! Before you get grumpy out here…did you two make up? That is all I want to know." Kurt said.

"That is none of our business Kurt." Carole said.

"I have to live with her. I need to know if I'm going to end up living with Finn too."

"You don't have to worry about Finn. He is staying in Lima." Rachel replied.

"So that is a no?"

"I have to go get those two up."

"Rachel Berry, you can't keep a secret."

"It's not a secret."

Rachel went to turn to walk out and walked into Finn who was carrying Lila.

"You're out of bed early. Did you not go to sleep yet?" Burt asked.

"Lila woke me up." Finn said.

"Mommy!" Lila reached for Rachel. Rachel took her from Finn and sat her in a seat at the table.

"If you're tired Finn you can go back to sleep." Rachel laughed as she could see how exhausted he was and knew how much he hated being up early.

"I will nap later."

Rachel hurry up and ate and then went to get dressed and let Lila at the table to finish her breakfast. She came back into Finn's room to pack up her and Lila's few things that got unpacked.

"Need any help with that?" Finn said as he stood in the doorway of his bedroom watching her.

"I'm almost done packing up. I'll let you go back to bed. Is Lila still eating?" Rachel said.

"Mom is cleaning her up. I came to check on you."

"Check on me for what?"

Finn walked over to her and kissed her. "Yep, you're still the best kisser ever."

"I am going to miss you Finn Hudson."

"You have a life to get back to."

"I promise we will clear things up in a few weeks. Just know I love you."

"I love you too. I am going to miss you too."

Lila came running in. "I get dressed?"

"Yes, here I laid your clothes out." Rachel pointed to a pile of clothes lying on the bed.

Lila started to try and dress herself. Finn laughed as she was stumbling trying to put her pants on while standing. Finn bend down to her and balanced her but still letting her do it herself. Rachel glanced over and smiled at him. "Lila, sit down here with Mommy. I need to tell you something before we leave."

Lila put her head down in shame but crawled up by Rachel. "You're not in trouble Lila Bug."

"Kay."

"You know how Finny has been helping Mommy these past couple days and spending time with us?"

"Yeah." Lila said.

"Well that is cause Finny is your daddy. He was away being a hero so he wasn't here till now."

"He going to York with us?"

Finn sat down beside them on the bed. "No I'm staying here. But you will have Mommy and Uncle Kurt.I want you to know Lila that even if I'm not there you can call me anytime you want. You will be in New York with Mommy but we will see each other. I love you Lila and I love Mommy."

"I love you Daddy." Lila hugged Finn.

Finn didn't really know what else to say to not confuse the little girl. She seemed to accept the explanation they gave her. Rachel stood up and started putting things together. She gave Finn a hug and took Lila's hand and walked out to the living room to wait for Kurt.

* * *

Kurt walked past Finn's door with his luggage and saw Finn sitting on his bed staring at the wall. "What are you doing?" Finn looked at him with question.

"Did you two make up last night or not? I need to know when I get back to New York and she is crying cause you broke her once again."

"I didn't break her! She needed me to let her go so I did! And you know what? Look at her she shines brighter than she ever did because I didn't hold her back! Why do you have to always make me feel guilty? It was three years ago and I can't change it now so let it go! I think you're more hurt than Rachel is." Finn stormed out of the room and Kurt followed him hollering.

"I'm over being a little kid with you. But I saw you last night. That look in your eyes when you woke up from that dream and thought you lost her. I made a promise to you to protect her and now it's almost as if I have to protect her from you!"

"Protect her from me! How about she was with someone who was awful for her and where were you?"

"Brody was good to her! He may have been a jerk when you were around but he was decent to her. At least he didn't come home drunk and tell her he hated her. He didn't ignore her for years out of some fear that I don't think you ever got over."

"Really? Then why do I know something different?"

"You don't know anything. You believe whatever makes you feel better about yourself!"

* * *

Rachel heard them as they were storming down the stairs. Rachel walked out of the living room into the hallway to where the boys were coming from.

"What are you two doing!" She yelled.

"I am your best friend Rachel and I am not letting him crush you again." Kurt said.

"Kurt.." Rachel started.

"No wait Rach. Before anything else is said why are you leaving me when you said you are coming back in a few weeks? Stay." Finn said

"I can't. I have to get Lila use to being in New York and not in Lima."

"Can't or won't?"

"I'll come back. I promise."

"I can't beg you to stay cause it would be worthless. But will you make sure before you come back that you really want this, like honestly. I don't want you to have doubt."

"Finn." Rachel said.

Finn went back up the stairs.

"Did you two make up or what?" Kurt asked.

"Are you ready we are going to be late?" Rachel said.

"You two are impossible."

* * *

Rachel and Kurt were sitting in the airport waiting for their flight since it was delayed cause of weather.

"Why were you fighting with Finn? I have to know." Rachel asked.

"I was trying to talk sense into him. You know he will go back to drinking if doesn't decide what he is going to do. He either needs to love you or just give it up."

"Why do you doubt him? He loves me. Is that why he told me to make sure? Because you put doubt in his mind."

"He has told me a thousand times in months that he was done drinking. Yet he hasn't stopped yet...till you came back. He relies on you like no one else. You two are each others twisted security blankets. But both of you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet. I love my brother and I just don't want my best friend to be hurt again. What if he changes his mind?"

"Finn might have hurt me but he is also the one person I can count on. You should know that."

"I do. But you have way more faith in him than you do love. I think you hope for change."

"I saw the boy I hadn't seen in years last night. He is still in there under all his grief."

"Then why are you running away from him?"

"I have a life to live. I am not eighteen now."

"Keep telling yourself that. Just like him you have some doubt in your mind."

* * *

"Finn, honey are you staying home for dinner tonight?" Carole asked.

"Yeah. I'll be here." Finn said quietly.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Finn sighed.

"Rachel will come back. I know you missed her. But she will come back."

"I know."

"Want to talk about it?"

"No. I am just going to sit and think about it some more."

"Why don't you come eat and get your mind off of it?"

"I will in a bit."

"You know I'm hear to listen if you need me."

"I don't need to talk about it. I just need to find a solution, fast."


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Kurt said.

"Take Lila please." Rachel said.

Rachel was sitting there in her thoughts.

"You're going back to New York? What about your lover?"

Rachel looked behind her. "Brody, you're still here?"

"This is when our return was rescheduled. Where is Finn?"

"At his house?"

"You're leaving him? I thought by the look I saw in your eyes you two were in love forever."

"I do have a life though. He wasn't part of it."

"You are one strange girl Rachel Berry. He loves you more than anything. If he didn't he wouldn't have beat me down. His girlfriend told me that. I might be bitter but it's a shame that you will walk away from someone who fought hard to get back to you."

"What?"

"That Ally girl told me he once told her when he was drunk that he was with his friend that died and watched him die. He only survived that bombing cause he was sure that he could come back and some day make you love him again. Someone with that much love for someone like you must have some special bond. Think about that cause I see the doubt in your eyes. He is a jerk but he has to be your jerk."

Kurt came walking back with Lila. Rachel was sitting with tears in her eyes. Brody got up and left.

"Momma you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm not going back Kurt. I need to go see Finn."

* * *

It was late and Finn was lying in bed half sleeping listening to music with his eyes shut. He sensed someone watching him and opened his eyes. No one was there. He just figured it was the little bit of paranoia he had left from being out there. He shifted and shut his eyes again. He felt someone sit on the end of his bed. "I said I am done talking about it Mom. I'm okay."

There she was eyes red and puffy with a small smile on her face.

"I was sitting in the airport waiting for my flight and I asked Kurt why you fought. He told me what you said about how I shine bright. I just kept thinking about how much you love me to keep letting me go." Rachel started sobbing harder.

Finn sat up and almost couldn't believe she was back. He slid to the end of the bed and wrapped his arms around her. "Why are you back here then silly?"

Rachel laughed with tears still coming down. "Because I always blamed you for leaving me. You're right it's what I needed. I needed to get my dream. But just like you, I'm done. I need you and Lila needs a family. New York isn't my home, it's where ever you are. I'm just so afraid of losing you again. Kurt got me thinking about how I counted on you for support and then you were just gone. Now you need me and I'm leaving you."

"I do need you. But I can't be selfish and make you stay. I made my mistake of losing you when I left and I won't lose you again but I'm not making you stay cause it's not fair to you."

"I really need you as much as you need me Finn. I'm actually so afraid if I give up and let you here alone you'll go back to drinking and I'll lose my Finn Hudson for forever."

"Rachel Berry if you don't stop crying I'm going to tickle you to death. I promised you that I wouldn't leave you again. I will keep it unless you want otherwise. I love you but you have to do what you have to do and if that means you leave me like I left you then so be it. I am not going to say I won't miss you but I was laying here thinking how much I love you and Lila and being that hero you told Lila about is being tough enough to let the girl I love walk out that door."

"I don't want to leave you. It took me too long to get you back." Rachel leaned harder into him.

"I know baby. If you ever miss me all you have to do is look up at the stars I'll be thinking of you too."

"I haven't heard you say that in a long time."

"I haven't had to in a long time."

"I'm not leaving you Finn. I'm staying here."

They just sat there for a few minutes.

"Where is Lila?"

"Downstairs with your mom."

Finn kissed Rachel and just kept holding her. Eventually they just laid there in silence. It was nice to Finn to be able to hold her.

* * *

Rachel fell asleep and Finn went downstairs and saw his mom and Burt watching TV and Lila was playing on the floor.

Lila looked up when he approached. "Daddy!"

"Lila Bug!" Finn said as he picked her up.

"Where Mommy?"

"She fell asleep."

"Good. She need a nap. She so sad cause that guy."

"Oh yeah? Daddy will have to talk to Uncle Kurt about it."

"Daddy, you leave Mommy again?"

"I never want to leave you or your mommy again. We are a family and we need to be together."

"Yay. I love you." Lila hugged Finn.

"I love you too. Why don't you play some more Daddy has to do a couple things."

"Finn don't you think it would be best to stay out of it. You got them back." Carole said.

"No, I want to know what he said to her. You didn't see how upset she was Mom."

Burt stood up and walked out in the kitchen behind Finn watching closely. Kurt turned around and looked at him.

"What happened?" Finn asked.

"She had the guts you didn't. She came back. After Brody scared the crap out her."

"What is your problem lately? I was willing to let her make her choice and live her dream."

"Cause I stood by her. I am her friend. I have to put up with you. You left her and lied to her. She wanted you there when she won that list goes on and on. Now it's like nothing ever happened and you two are back to being Finchel and being perfect so what is the problem?"

"Perfect? How do you get perfect? I lost her for 3 years and we are so broken and glued back together that we can't seem to love each other at the same time. Are you jealous of something to think that we are perfect because you ended up alone? Wait what does Brody have to do with anything?"

"He was at the airport. She wouldn't tell me what he said but she cried the whole way here. Maybe you'd know if you would have chased after her like a real man."

Burt had heard enough. "Alright you said enough. Knock it off."

Finn walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Kurt walked into the living room and bent down to Lila.

"Lila, you know that your dad was the reason your mommy was crying earlier not me?"

Lila looked at him like he was joking. "No it was that guy and you were being mean."

Rachel came walking into the living room. "Sorry I fell asleep on you."

"It's alright. It's probably better. I was actually getting ready to go back upstairs. Shouldn't Lila get to bed soon?" Finn said.

"Yeah we should probably do that. Plus I wouldn't want to have to feel like a burden more on someone who was supposed to be my best friend."

Finn got up and walked upstairs to his room and put Lila in bed and walked back down and only Rachel and his mom were sitting in the living room.

* * *

"I want Finn back in Lila and I's life. We want things to go back to the way they were when we use to be together."

"Oh." Said Carole.

"We know that it is going to take some time. But we never lost our love for each other and it is only fair for Lila to have two parents together. She has had so much confusion already with living with my dads and things."

"Well I think Finn would do anything you want him to Rachel. He loves you and always has."

Finn sat down beside Rachel. "Rachel what did Brody tell you?"

"How do you know I talked to Brody?"

"Kurt. But does it matter what was said? I just want to make sure you're okay and you're not back here for the wrong reasons."

"Why didn't you tell me that when your friend got killed you were out there with him?"

"Cause I don't like to remember any of it."

"Brody said Ally told him you said you only didn't give up for me. You stayed alive for me even though we hadn't talked in years?"

"I just always thought maybe there was some hope that you and I could fix things. I held on to it, probably more than I should have."

"How can I leave someone that loves me that much? I was crying because I even thought twice about not staying here with you."

"You two love each other so much it breaks my heart to even hear you both do this." Carole said.

Finn grabbed Rachel by the shoulders. "If you need to go back to New York. If that is where your life is then go. I will never stop you I don't have that right anymore."

"I don't want to. I want to be with you, here in this loser town we had our time away from. Even if that means we sit at the dumb bar or watching old movies. As long as we are together."

**The End.**


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